Eight spots where you can have cheeky festival sex!

Party-peeps, don’t deny it – at some stage you’ve found yourself feeling rather toey at a festival. Perhaps you and your girlfriend want to run off and have a cheeky round before Radical’s closing set, or maybe you connected with a hot foreigner in the middle of the crowd and want to explore your chemistry without the hassling presence of other partygoers’ sweat.

Yep, you read the title correctly and in the spirit of Valentine’s Day, we’re going to talk about sex, specifically festival sex, as we review a couple of cheeky locations where you and your girlfriend, boyfriend, fuck buddy, or random you picked up at the campsite can get it on!

#1 – The port-a-loo

Which of our readers have got down and dirty in a portable festival toilet? Don’t be ashamed, it’s only your dignity that we’re talking about… But hey, some people are turned on by strange things, so it’s no surprise that some festival-goers may opt for some good ole’ toilet sex.

#2 – Artist lounge photo-booth

Getting down and dirty whilst taking low-grade porn snaps? Talk about hitting two birds with one stone! Despite the whole lounge of drunken DJ’s (and industry professionals) laughing at you, if you happen to get lucky in the artist lounge’s photo-booth, at least you’ll score yourself a souvenir that you can proudly stick up on your wall.

#3 – The tent

This one has been proudly tried and tested by many festival goers (including myself #noshame) and is probably the most common and dignified place for horny ravers to do the deed. Many couples innocently have sex in their tents, however I’m also sure that there’s some friendship circles that have turned pretty awkward after that drunken orgy at Intents Festival.

#4 – Down by the river/beach

For those seeking a stunning view whilst slyly getting it on, I suggest to head down near the beach, lake, or river at the festival. The river is always a great place, because it’s typically the location where the most cooked c*nts of the festival congregate – they probably won’t notice the two people next to them having sex whilst they’re tripping kitties.

#5 – Back corner of the VIP deck

Whilst everybody is admiring the end-show, there’s likely to be two (or more) horny VIP’s getting it on in the darkest corner of the deck. I’ve never actually seen this happen, however I’m sure it’d definitely make it onto our Snapchat story…

#6 – Middle of the crowd (yolo)

Sometimes, you just have the urge and the only thing you can think of doing is grabbing your boyfriend, girlfriend or the hot stranger next to you and doing the deed in the middle of the crowd. I don’t judge – however, for those wanting to have crowd sex, please, don’t ejaculate on the person next to you…

#7 – Backstage

I’m actually thinking of running an anonymous survey, which aims to gather data about just how many DJ’s and backstage bandits (groupies) have fucked backstage. There’s actually so many places to do it; for example, at indoor parties, there’s all of those unused production rooms, dressing rooms and other dark crevasses. Couple goals? I think so!

#8 – On Mysteryland’s notorious ‘hill’ 

Or better yet, in the virtual reality area at the top of Mysteryland’s hill. Any hilly area at a festival can be a great place to have sex, especially during the night hours where those around you aren’t particularly paying attention. Another noteworthy spot is at the very top of the GelreDome in the seating area; you can watch Qlimax’s show, whilst reaching your own climax.

Where’s the weirdest place you’ve had festival sex? Let us know in the comments below! 😉