Etiquette For Party-goers – What NOT to do on a VIP deck…

The VIP deck can be a wondrous place… It can be a world of joy where the average harder styles loving citizen can come face-to-face with their biggest musical idols, cross the eyes of many industry ‘professionals’ and of course, the possibility to obtain easy access to free booze is most probably the best part. Oh, oh, oh, how wonderful it is to be high rollin’ and smashing down an endless supply of gin and tonics with some of the most renowned musicians in the Hard Dance scene and exchanging musical opinions with various intellects.

It is all well and good to splurge those extra dollars on a VIP ticket or score yourself a spot on the relations deck, however, it is all fun and games until:

A) You suddenly regurgitate all 15 of those gin and tonics that you thought digested properly all over Wildstylez whilst in the midst’s of praising his musical abilities and the comeback of Project One.

B) You find yourself to be the only one on the VIP deck covered head-to-toe in merchandise and following Radical Redemption around to attempt to have five minutes alone so that he can sign every square inch of your body.

C) You are having a disco nap, yet are woken up by an angry security guard who insists that you have to leave.

D) You find that you are interrupting artists in important conversations so that you can take a photo with them.

E) You accidentally grind up against the underage artists (who can potentially report you for breaching their consensual sex rights).

So there are a few potential scenarios that can have your cheeks blush with embarrassment, or even have you recognised in the future by people as “that guy who got too cooked and escorted from the deck” or “that girl who threw up all over Wildstylez.” I mean, the VIP deck is great! It’s a fantastic place to socialise and meet new people, sit down and relax even admire the light-show from the best seats in the house. However the enjoyment of it all and the vodka (mostly the vodka) can sometimes unexpectedly hit us a little harder than usual and land us in a little bit of a pickle…

With each different party comes a different VIP experience. Sometimes the organisation is stingy and you will be limited to standing in a tiny space with only enough room to stand still and watch the light-show (with no free booze). On the other hand, you may find yourself Russian dancing in a spacious area with record label managers who usually don’t take a liking to copious amounts of vodka. Nevertheless, have no fear as I am here to give you the run-down on what NOT to do in those prestigious VIP areas and how to counteract some of these above scenarios with appropriate etiquette.

So ladies and gentlemen, stay with me as I will prepare you to make your debut into the upcoming festival season of 2015

• Free alcohol doesn’t always have to directly correlate with throwing up your entire stomachs contents

There is nothing worse than being engaged in an important (drunk)  conversation about the meaning of life (your cat and your ex boyfriend) with one of your musical idols and mid-sentence, throwing up either on yourself, the ground or on the DJ that you are speaking to. Even when you think that a sneaky ‘tactical vom’ in the corner, or over the side of the VIP deck is a good idea, you never know who is watching you…

How to overcome: If you’re feeling a bit queasy, remember to head to the bathroom in order to effectively empty your stomach… When you are feeling better, remember to wash your mouth out and if necessary, clean or change clothing before you return to the VIP deck. It is also recommended to avoid alcohol for the remainder of the day if you have been sick.

• 10 vodka’s (or pingas) later, you feel a disco nap coming on

Disco naps can be seen as disrespectful to the artist playing on stage and also an indication that you cannot handle your alcohol (or drugs). You wouldn’t want to fall asleep and miss the entire end-show, would you?

How to overcome: If you are feeling drowsy, you can avoid these notorious disco naps by either sitting down somewhere quiet on the deck with a friend who will slap you every time you begin to lapse out of consciousness. Redbull and some food can also be a saviour too! However, if you feel as though you are not able to “hold it together,” sometimes cutting your losses and heading home ain’t such a bad idea. If you have taken too many drugs, then please, find your friends or a medical professional.

• Artists are people too

Artists love to relax, socialise and have a few drinks after they have played and as much as they enjoy meeting their fans, they also need some down time too. Covering yourself in merchandise and running around and taking 30 photos with every single artist on the VIP deck may or may not place you in the ‘fangirl’ category.

How to overcome: If you see your favourite artist in the entire world and you would really like to take a photo with them, make sure that you are polite and say ‘excuse me’ before interrupting their conversation. Kindly ask to take a photo with them, keep your conversation short, smile and thank them for their time. Most artists are very kind and totally down-to-Earth. They are always happy to take a photo and have a chat with their fans, but usually it is a lot more fun to just have a casual conversation with artists on the VIP deck, rather than bugging them for photos.

• ‘Cooking out’ on the VIP deck ain’t sexy – unless you are a pro at handling your drugs

Although it would be quite the good time to be in your own little world of happy thoughts and quality MDMA, there’s a time and a place for copious amounts of drugs – and it’s usually not on the VIP deck. Unless you throw some shades on and keep your #cookedcam antics on the down-low, chewing your face off and letting your eyeballs roll around to the back of your socket is not a great look.

How to overcome: There are a few options here, one, don’t take drugs if you plan on engaging in professional conversations on the VIP deck. However, if you do get your hands on some MDMA that you cannot refuse, then go slow and maybe spend some time partying in the crowd where people may actually offer you chewing gum to control your jaw movements. Also, if you have the ability to keep gurn on the sly then you will get the best of both worlds…

• Making out on the VIP deck like a horny teenager may or may not be frowned upon

You may be blocking somebody’s view of the light-show and let’s face it, most people would rather watch an incredible production rather than two horny people going for gold.

How to overcome: Suck some face towards the back of the VIP deck where nobody is really watching, however guys, if you are going to stick a sneaky finger in there then I suggest you bail and get a room (or go for a quickie in a bathroom somewhere…)

So there you have it! Preparing those etiquette skills for the upcoming festival season is as easy as ABC.

Stay classy folks.